i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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