I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
