I need to stop coming to work sober
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
