We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
