I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
