Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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