remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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