you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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