went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
