My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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