Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
