I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
