Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
