I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there is glitter all over my balls
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
