shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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