I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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