I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
