I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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