Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
