he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
