Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am one with the molecules
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
