you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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