dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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