hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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