how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize