When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
