Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
