in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
