Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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