Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
