i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had sex on a roof
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