sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
