Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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