I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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