he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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