What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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