A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
