I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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