I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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