I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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