One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
