note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You ruined the universe
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
