just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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