i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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