If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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