you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
