I think my vagina is haunted
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
