just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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