I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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