oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
