in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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