Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
