Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm gonna have a badass scar
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
