it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
