I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
