woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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