its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Enjoy the penises
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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