took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
