Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
