i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
