Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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