i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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