I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
