if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
