Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
