So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
