he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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