i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
