If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
