Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
