my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
