Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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