We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
