I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just invented taco cereal.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
