i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
