Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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