Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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