mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
