Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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