shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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