life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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